Why Mel Robbins Says to “Let Them” — and Does It Help?

Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory teaches letting go of control. But does it truly work in real life, or is it just oversimplified advice?

When I first heard about Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory, I rolled my eyes. It sounded too simple — just “let them”? Let people cancel plans, criticize, act selfish, or behave in ways that annoy you? In reality, life doesn’t feel that easy.  But then I thought about how much energy I’ve wasted over the years trying to change people. The friend who never texts back unless I chase them. The colleague who shows up late to every meeting. The family member who always has something negative to say. I’ve argued, I’ve explained, I’ve hoped they’d change — but mostly, I just ended up frustrated. Robbins’ advice is: stop. Let them.

From that perspective, her message makes sense. It isn’t about giving up; it’s about redirecting your energy. When someone disappoints you, you don’t control them anyway. The only thing you control is how you respond. Letting them be who they are means you finally free yourself from the exhausting cycle of overthinking and over-managing. And in small, everyday situations, it really works. When the driver cuts you off in traffic — let them. When your coworker talks too much in meetings — let them. When a friend chooses not to support your new venture — let them. The result is less stress, less resentment, and more focus on what you can actually influence: yourself.

But here’s where I hesitate. Life is more complicated than a mantra. Some situations demand more than “letting them.” If your boss is consistently undermining you, you can’t just let it slide. If someone you love keeps hurting you, ignoring the problem won’t make it disappear. There are times when confrontation and boundaries aren’t just healthy — they’re necessary.

So maybe the Let Them Theory isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, but a reminder. A filter. A pause button. It asks us to step back and ask: “Is this worth my energy?” If the answer is no, then yes — let them. But if the answer is yes, if the issue cuts deep into your values or well-being, then “let them” should be followed by “but not at my expense.” What I like most about Robbins’ perspective is the emotional relief it offers. We live in a culture obsessed with control — over people, over outcomes, over appearances. The Let Them Theory tells us it’s okay to stop fighting battles we’ll never win. It reminds us that peace often comes not from fixing others, but from freeing ourselves.

In the end, I think she’s right — mostly. Let people be who they are. But also, let yourself decide where to draw the line. Because while we can’t control others, we can always choose what we allow into our lives.